Thread:KeepOnKeepingOn/@comment-12521892-20180316021211/@comment-24596982-20180316200443

So I’ve given it a read. And I have a few things.

First, I like the story you’re trying to tell. It’s unique enough to stand on its own instead of feeling like a jab at TWD. Second, the characters all seem believable. I may not be entirely invested (it takes a lot to get me fully invested in a series), but it’s at least interesting.

One of the nitpicks I have though is I’m not sure if you want me to take the story very seriously. I get that it’s told from Glenn’s point of view, so all actions, thoughts, and opinions are through what he sees, says, and does. However, a few of the things he says are just a tad off putting and somewhat comical in the most awkward way. Like how in Episode 4, he remarks that Amber’s voice is seductive and sexy. It felt strange and out of place.

Another thing is how the story is written. First person is a challenge to write for some people but you’ve gotten it down. Though the dialogue is kind of weird. I can tolerate AJ’s stuttering to a degree (sometimes it feels exaggerated), but drawn out dialogue to emphasize a scream is just kind of... weird. To me anyways. (For example; “HEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEE!”)

But that’s not to say your story is bad. It’s got potential and is very unique. I like it. Just know I’m a slow and inconsistent reader and as such I often don’t give a ton of feedback.